I was reading Fight with Me by Kristen Proby over the weekend. The female lead in this song loves this song. So I looked it up on YouTube and I liked it at hearing the first sentence, the first tune. It tugged at my heartstrings so I booted up my laptop to record this down.
It is a beautiful song that breaks my heart. That broke my heart at first tune. And I am listening over to it, over and over again, despite memories it drags up. The lyrics remind me of you. It’s a song I think you’d like too.
How old is your soul?
The funniest thing is I had to give up.
We had to give up.
Many people I’ve spoken to about my plans to go to England to study translating ask me a very normal question–“Why England and not Japan?”
And just these two days I actually felt doubts about my own decision. My Japanese isn’t mind-blowing nor is it at native level but I am fluent in it if I am not trying to be modest. Many times I’ve tried to play down my own capability due to my own doubts about my own capability and modesty but whenever I read up on what being “fluent” is, I fulfil what’s written there. I am just not a native speaker and having not lived there before, I am not ashamed to admit that I have YEARS to go to reach that level. But I am at peace with that fact for now =D
And those people who ask me the normal question up there, they don’t understand that being fluent in a language does not equate to the capability to express a sentence in a natural manner. The Japanese think my English is good enough, therefore I should go to Japan; the English speakers think my English is good enough, therefore I should go to Japan.
Wrong. Being natively fluent does not equate to the capability to communicate your translation smoothly and naturally into your native tongue. I am speaking this because I am from Singapore, where almost everyone is bilingual and almost everyone has flawed language capabilities due to their bilingualism. Over here, we are bilingual to know enough to communicate and survive but not knowing enough to deliver a fine translation. The Mandarin I speak is tainted and littered with English words here and there and personally, I dislike it (IT IS SUCH A BAD HABIT!!). My friend who has lived about a year in Japan agreed that living in Japan has messed with his English. And I will tell you, being bilingual here already messes with our English.
And because I am unwilling to sacrifice my native tongue, because I truly want to be excellent at translating into my target language, I have chosen England. Japan, my second home, can wait for me a little longer 🙂
P.S: Reading this gave me some courage.
I haven’t been writing because I didn’t feel like I can write anything. But since a new exciting chapter is starting soon I thought I’d better start documenting it.
I’ve been accepted to the University of Portsmouth to do my MA in Translation Studies. The thought is still daunting and I will be lying if I say I have no doubts. Me? Majoring in my third language? I can’t even speak my mother tongue without throwing in English words! I have a lot of doubts in my capability!! I still can’t read many kanji! Am I overestimating myself? Living abroad has been a long ago dream I had, one that I gave up because my parents could not afford. It makes me feel proud of myself I’ve taken a bold, uncertain step onto an unfamiliar territory.
Owing to the spur of a very painful breakup last year, the emotional impact make me wonder deeply what I can do with my short life to make it fulfilling. My thoughts wondered to an under-developed, unexplored area I’ve always had interest it. And while now the throes of pain have subsided, I am very glad to know my interest preservered through and therefore, I know this is genuine. Even if I start off being a project coordinator, I’m sure my actual work experiences will come in handy and I will definitely be happier working in closer contact with languages.
The present and alarming concern right now is the unrelenting, stubborn rise in pounds against SGD and this will severely impact the balance of school fees and VISA fees I have to fork out. This means lesser leeway to living expenses and this is worrying indeed. Recently however, I’ve been indulging in buying items disguised as ‘needs for UK’ or ‘needs for school’. My very recent expenditure is on a pair of disstressed One Teaspoon Freebird Jeans. I REALLY want a Freebird styled jeans and that thought occupied my mind the whole day I was unproductive. After I completed my purchase however, I found myself feeling so guilty I’ve decided no more unnecessary purchases for me!
It is 9.25pm now and I am happy to be home. I will go read my Rogue (by Julie Kagawa) now over some chinese tea.